I put up a poll last week on Instagram and asked my followers why they were currently putting off family photos. The answer actually really surprised me - 80% of the people who responded said it was because they wanted to lose weight first. I think I was most surprised because I know the women who responded. And never once have I looked at them and thought, you know what, she could stand to lose a few pounds. I’ve never once looked at the social media accounts of those who responded, and judged them for posting a picture of themselves with their family or friends. “How dare they look so happy?” “How dare she post this picture of herself with her kids? She has a double chin!” I mean, that’s ridiculous.

Self portrait of the author with her two kids. She is holding one in each arm and standing in front of a map of the world. Her daughter is laughing and looking down, her son is smiling and looking toward the camera.

I suppose the difference is that if you hire a family photographer to take pictures of you, then you want it to be as perfect as possible. After all, you’re paying for the photos, not just the experience of having your picture taken. That’s fair.

But I’d love to do an exercise with you, if you’re holding off on your own family photos because of what you see in the mirror. I’d like you to go back, either physically or in your mind, and find a photo of your mom with you as a kid. What do you see?

Do you see extra pounds around her middle, or do you see her arms wrapped around you in a joyful embrace? Do you see extra chins, or do the photos remind you of the way she’d laugh while you played together?

Allison Patel stands outside a large picture window while on vacation, capturing herself and the landscape behind her in the photo. Inside the house, her children are visible and laughing while they play. Allison is looking at the back of her camera.

The point of professional family photos is not just to document growth and changes in appearance. That may have been the point back in the Lifetouch days, but it’s not the point now, and definitely not the point of lifestyle or documentary family photos. No, the point, the purpose, is to bottle up the connection that you have with your kids. To give you the opportunity to be in “good” photographs with your kids, that aren’t selfies, or hastily snapped phone pics. To capture how your relationship changes with your kids as they grow.

When your kids are grown and gone, when they’re looking for pictures of home and family and their life anchors, they’re not going to care about the numbers attached to your body. They’re going to care that they have evidence of how much you love them. How much you’ve always loved them. And how that love has changed from the early days all the way to when they’re grown.

Mama, I beg you not to wait for your appearance to change before you decide to get family photos made. Pictures of you aren’t made for you, after all. They’re for everyone else. And everyone who matters thinks you’re wonderful just as you are. Click here to see other families I’ve worked with recently, notice how none of us are perfect, and how okay that is.

The author sits with her son on his bed and reads a bedtime story to him. Her face is contorted as she reads a funny part of the book. He is in pjs and sitting on the headboard of his bed while he looks at her.

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