The Things You Don’t Say - Family Photos at Home

I asked Melissa if she had any specific needs for our annual family photo session. “Always some [boy 1] and [boy 2] pics. We love those. And… I literally can’t think of anything else.”

I noticed the conspicuous absence of “photos of us as a couple” in her text. Even if that’s something you definitely want, it can be really hard to verbalize, “take pictures of me.”

It can feel embarrassing to say that you want photos of yourself, even though that’s one of the biggest reasons why you’re hiring a professional and not just taking pictures of your kids yourself. Because you want to be in the photos with them.

I also get that it can feel like, after the third or fourth family photo experience, that you’ve done it all before. You don’t know what to ask for because you’ve asked for it, and seen it, before.

But I also hear what you’re not saying. Because I also don’t say it, when I hire someone to take my family’s photos. I don’t say, “please come over to my house and photograph us being ourselves, doing our normal stuff.” Our normal stuff is boring, time-filling, unquantifiable family time. Or it’s highly emotional, melt-down stuff I don’t necessarily want other people to see how I handle as a parent. So I understand, it can be difficult to ask for what you really want. And what you want is you, with your family, in your most comfortable place (home), doing… stuff. But what stuff?

I arrived at our session to find an excited three-year old running to give me a hug. I promptly missed his cue for a hug, and offered a high five instead. A move I’m still regretting, because how many times do you get offered a free hug from a three year old? Sigh. Hopefully next time.

I asked him to show me his room, and the big-boy bed he just recently got promoted to. He was happy to show me his train sheets, throwing back the covers on the bed his parents had just made (classic kid move), and pulled out his favorite, raggedy-edged (aka well-loved) book to look through as we got used to each other and eased into the clicking.

He then ran from the room, and I got everyone to follow him, allowing him to be the leader and not forcing him to stay in one space. We settled into the living room so the two brothers could read a book together and then hung out as they naturally migrated from their chair to the couch with their parents.

As they all piled together on the oversized sofa, I jokingly asked if this was how they normally spent their Saturday mornings - sitting together as a family on the couch in nice clothes.

They laughed (thank goodness) and then reflected that on normal Saturday mornings, they’d be running frantically around town, from swim lessons to errands, to an early lunch so the three-year-old could get home in time for a nap. This was way more peaceful. (I like the sound of early lunch, though.)

They detangled from the dogpile on the couch, and we stretched out to play. Dad and the boys rough-housing and then everyone playing on the floor, the littlest one playing with a car that was Dad’s when he was a kid. That was a sweet touch that I loved to include for them, and I’m sure didn’t even cross Melissa’s mind when I asked her what she wanted to see.

We spent a little time in their basement family room, where family photos gathered on the walls and we could play Keepy Uppy with a big balloon without worrying about delicate items on shelves.

To finish up our session, we pulled on socks and shoes to go outside for a family photo in the winter garden. Sidenote: Do you remember the very last time you put on your kid’s socks and shoes, moving from doing it for them to telling them to do it? As I sit here, I don’t remember. I don’t have photos of that. It was a daily occurrence in our house when the kids were little, obviously, but I don’t remember when it stopped. Little wiggly butt in your lap, wrestling with their arms and legs to pull on socks, adjusting the seams for little toes. Spreading the shoe apart so you could gently push their foot in, tightening the Velcro, and setting them up on their feet. Sigh. The things you miss when you’re so far separated from them.

Anyway. I’m glad we got some photos of that for them, too. Even if they weren’t specifically requested.

It was later in the morning by the time we got outside; chilly but not freezing, and we managed without coats. Even in the dead of winter, their dead and dried hydrangeas brought a fun texture to the back yard, and we snapped a couple of family photos in the sunshine to end our time together.

I could have just gotten some photos of each of the boys, and a few of them together, and accomplished the short checklist of things that Melissa wanted out of our session. But that wouldn’t have told a complete story for them. A rare Saturday morning at home, together. No errands, no frantic to and from, no worrying about the time each thing will take. Just a pause in the action to relax and enjoy each other, to reconnect, and have permanent reminders of their family at this moment in time. Who knows what the next moment holds. But this one, this one’s pretty close to perfect.

Want to learn more about family photo sessions and the steps that go into making them happen? Click here for my family photo info, and click here for a downloadable checklist for completing your own family photo project.