The 5 Personalities of Children I Photograph

“No pictures!” He’s only two and a half, but Marco has been telling me “no pictures” since he started talking. His mama disagrees and has been hiring me every 6 months or so since he was born. So, we’re at an impasse. Or… are we?

I’ve been making photos with families as a business for more than 12 years now. I’ve seen some things. (Hugs knees and slowly rocks back and forth). Each family has its own personality, made up of the personalities of each family member. Or, no, not the personalities of each family member. It’s the personalities of the family members at that moment in time. How each member chooses to act, how each person is feeling at that moment. And that can change (and does!) during an hour-long family photo session.

So while I have created a list of the five most common personality types I see in kids during a family photo session, I also recognize that these can also just be the five stages of a session from a kid’s perspective. Sometimes a kid will stick to one, sometimes they’ll go through all five during our time together. Let’s go through them, and then talk about how I photograph each type:

The wild child

This one’s bouncing off the walls excited. They’re full to bursting with energy, running back and forth and never wanting to stand still. Maybe they didn’t get enough outside time earlier in the day, or maybe they’re just that excited to be doing something different. They’re not saying no, because they’re too crazy-eyed to form words. They’re entertaining themselves well with the funny faces they’re making. (Adults may or may not be encouraging the funny faces, at least at first.)

Miss/Mr Independent

This kiddo needs to be in charge. They want to lead, they need to feel in control. There might be some defiance layered in there, due to what they’re wearing, or what they’d rather be doing instead of hanging out with me, or how long our session is taking. I don’t take it personally. Ms/Mr Independent is like “Wild Child” with extra backbone and leadership skills sprinkled in there.

Ready and Trying (Maybe Too Hard)

This one jumps out of the car, smiling, excited to be there. Or if I’m coming to them, they meet me at the door, favorite toy in hand, ready to show me around. Their parents worked hard to build up our session ahead of time, and they’re more than ready to comply. They pose, yelling “CHEESE” through gritted teeth or contorting their face into a practiced squinty grin. They’re cooperating! But they look like they’re in pain. They’re wound up tighter than a wind-up toy, determined to show how good they’re being. But they’re kind of the opposite of relaxed.

Shy and Hiding

They’re a little tired from falling asleep in the car, or just waking up from a nap at home. They’re nervous in front of the stranger with the big camera, feeling shy, burying into their dominant parent in an attempt to find a safe space. They definitely don’t feel like smiling, and you can’t make them. I get a lot of pictures of the back of their head in this stage.

“No.”

This one knows what they want, and it’s not me. Like my buddy Marco, they express “no pictures” forcefully and with great conviction. If they can’t form words yet, they’ll scowl, or cry, or both. They are very much against this experience, and they’ll let you know it.

Here’s how I photograph each of these personality types: I let the kids lead.

I know it feels so contrary to you as the parent. You worked to prep them ahead of time, you’re begging them to cooperate, you’re desperate to not waste our time together or be judged as someone who can’t control their kid. Especially in front of another parent who also has kids. But here’s the thing: I am a parent who also has kids. I know the parent secret that we all know but none of us say out loud - we can’t control our tiny humans.

Sometimes they’d rather smugly dunk their face in ice cream than sit and smile for a photo. You know?

You can force a kid into a picture, but you can’t make them happy and relaxed about it.

So what do we do? Letting the kid lead looks different for each of those personality types.

If Wild Child needs to run some energy out, then Dad can chase him around for 10 minutes playing tag or tickle monster. If they can’t stop making funny faces, but they’re doing well at sitting still, I’ll give them prompts to make them laugh, instead of them trying to make others laugh.

If Miss Independent needs to lead us around in order to smile happily in a photo, I’ll let her choose the direction and location of our next photo (as long as it’s safe), instead of forcing her into one of mine. The location matters less than the connection between you. (Which would you prefer? A picture in front of that perfect backdrop with a crying child? Or a joyful photo in a slightly different spot?) Look how happy she was to be in charge:

For those wound-up compliers who contort their faces for a photo, changing from “Cheese” to another prompt word helps for smaller kids, while asking bigger kids a question that gets them out of their frozen pose and into a thinking moment can help shake them out of that. Asking them to do something that requires movement can help too. Like dancing, or twirling.

Kids who are shy, hiding in Mom’s shoulder, sometimes need a change of scenery or activity to wake them up or help them feel more comfortable. Bubbles are great for that sometimes. Or sometimes, just showing them the back of my camera helps them see what my plan is, and helps them trust me. And in the meantime, I get lots of snuggle photos (and who doesn’t want that?)

As for Marco, usually he says “no pictures” for a little while, but then eventually he changes his mind as we start playing, and by the end of our hour, he’s laughing and staring into the camera like a pro. It’s actually not that he doesn’t like his picture taken. It’s that he doesn’t want to pose, to hold still, to pause what he’s doing in order to take a picture. I get that, so I work with him, and he works with me. And we have a lot of fun doing it.

More than anything, for all of these types (or stages of a session), I promise I’m not judging. Having your picture taken can be anxiety-inducing even in adults, so I do my best to help your small humans feel comfortable and in charge of themselves and their experience. Following their lead and letting them ease into it is an easy way to have a great time at our session.

If your kid is extra uncomfortable about photos in a new place (like a park), I have the perfect solution for you: an at-home family photo session. Skeptical? Here’s a blog with 5 reasons why you should consider an in-home session.