Three Reasons Why it’s so Hard to DIY Your Lifestyle Family Photography
There are lots of reasons why trying to be your own lifestyle family photographer is a recipe for disaster, but I’m going to focus on three major ones today.
You’re not an Outsider.
You don’t have the control you think you do.
You’re conflicted.
Now that you’re good and confused, let’s dive deeper and find out what I actually mean.
First, notice how I’m not mentioning “skill level.” Even professional photographers hire other professionals to do their family photos. You might have all the skills in the world, but this is not about that. This is about other intangibles.
Also, I’m not talking about taking regular, daily photos of your kids. I’ve been working on a regular photo practice - not quite daily at this point but close to it - and I encourage you to do that, if you’re inclined. But this is not about that. This is specifically about trying to be your family’s photographer when you’re also trying to be in the photos. And how absolutely frustrating that is (speaking from experience). Here’s where that frustration comes from:
You’re not an Outsider.
Think about how your kids react when you’re trying to get them to be still for photos when you’re the one taking them. They squirm, they run away from you, they make funny faces, they turn around and bend over (just mine?). They become this crazed version of themselves that is anything but what you really want to capture about them.
Then think about how your kids react to Outsiders. To adult friends or family members that they don’t see very often. They either (generally speaking) do one of two things: a) they get shy and get closer to you, their safe place; or b) they’re so excited about the Outsider, they want to make friends immediately.
The camera is a novelty, and the Outsider photographer is a novelty, instead of “mom with camera interrupting my day.” The kids are more likely to band together with you because the outsider introduces a strange element to your dynamic. “It’s you and me against the world” only works when the world is there.
You don’t have the control you think you do.
If you’re attempting posed photos, it’s a real challenge to be the photographer while balancing the technical skills and parenting at the same time.
If you’re attempting lifestyle, unposed photos, it’s even harder. It is very difficult to pretend that you’re not being photographed, and focus on the connection you have with your family, when you’re the one photographing.
Sure, if you’re both the photographer and the one being photographed, you can choose your location, your time, your outfits, and not have to worry about meshing with anyone else’s schedule or agreeing with their artistic style. You get to do you. How hard can that be?
But doing it alone also means that you have to do it all on your own. All the mental load is on you, with no one to bounce ideas off of. And you’re also in charge of the technical aspects of the camera, the lighting, the focus - all very challenging while on the other side of the camera.
You sit on the floor and rattle off a series of timed shots or use a remote (good luck keeping that hidden so the kids don’t steal it and press the button over and over.) And then you have to get up, go check your screen to see if you got anything. Everything is blurry, or half of you is out of frame, and then you have to set it up and go again. And the kids start to lose interest really quickly, if you had them at all, and you find yourself getting panicky, and your partner wants to know when this is going to be over. And you decide “now” is when it’s over, because you can’t take the complaining anymore. You thought you had a lot more control over this situation than you actually did.
You’re conflicted.
You know your family, what’s going to make them smile, what’s going to make them frustrated with the process, what you’re willing to sacrifice on the altar of “this is fine” in order to appease them and also get some photos. A professional, the Outsider, has none of those conflicts. The Outsider doesn’t have to worry about being the Observer and also participating.
The Outsider has none of the personal conflicts of being Photographer while also being Mom, Partner, Preferred Parent. The Outsider gets to focus on being Photographer, while Mom/Partner/Preferred Parent gets to play that role and focus on being that and connecting with those people who call her that and love her for being that to them.
Those are my arguments for outsourcing this project. There’s no conflict between Observer and Participator when you outsource your family’s photography to a professional photographer. There’s someone there who will help you with the planning, tell you what to do, and be that Outsider so your family can band together and have fun. It’s not Mom against the family for the sake of photos. It’s the family, together, connecting, and being documented in the process.
